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A Note to Felix Baumgartner

From one peer to another I’d just like to say congratulations on your skydive from outer space.

Only last week I was facing a 3 foot jump myself in uncontrolled circumstances. 

I was descending the staircase at home, which is usually a nerve-wracking but ultimately safe undertaking, but on this occasion I hit disaster four steps from the bottom.

The final three steps- what you and I would know as the ‘safety zone’- was covered in piles of laundry. I managed to keep my cool upon approach, as I could see a hazard and knew I had to be calm to assess (old Hall Monitor conditioning kicked in, much like Navy or SWAT instincts). Most people would be wondering why I didn’t just call the police right away, but you know us boys, living off the adrenalin.

Unlike you, I didn’t have any gear with me so I had to make do with the PB&J sandwich I was holding and the stickytape holding up my shorts. I used the PB&J as a glue to turn my shorts into a make-shift parachute, and ate the stickytape for sustenance. 

I readied myself for the jump.

In preparing for my run up I tripped and fell through the laundry and onto the floor. I know that unbelievably exhilarating feeling of free falling, and unlike you I didn’t even have to rely on my parachute.

You keep up your good work Felix, and I’ll keep up mine.

David

P.s. Do you have a belt I can have.